I really need to learn the concept that just because it is free, doesn’t mean you have to take/accept/or sign up for it. I even had a guy ask me out once with the line, “It may not be the best date of your life, but at least it is a free dinner.” True to his word, it was at least a free meal.
I’m almost 30 and I still get excited when I get something for free. I am the type of person to take almost any sample off a tray in the mall or Costco or sign up for any possible giveaways. These types of behavior usually wind up giving me a stomachache or loads of junk mail being sent to my house. One would think that I would have learned my lesson by now, but not me; I love free.
I walked into the gym yesterday and I saw a short, Hispanic guy standing next to a massage chair. Since I go to a ghetto 24 Hour Fitness, this stood out as being out of place. I asked the guy at the front desk if we were upgrading the gym with a personal masseuse and he laughed. He said that the guy was giving away free 10-minute massages to drum up business for his company, and just like that, I was hooked. Did someone just say FREE?! Well, in that case…
I walked over and took my seat in the chair, excited for my free massage. I should have known it was going to be bad when the guy leaned down and whispered breathily in my year, “You want me make you massage, right?”
“Duh, why do you think I just sat down? Of course I want you to make me a massage!”
The guy’s cologne was almost as overwhelming as his breath. It reminded me of my 7th graders that have watched too many Axe commercials and believe that the more you wear, the more ladies you’re going to get.
Anyway, he then proceeded to “make” me a massage. He started by pinching me all over my back. I’ve never encountered this technique before, but it honestly felt like little fish were biting me everywhere. Then he proceeded to poke my muscles with his index fingers while saying, “If I make the pain, you me tell.” It felt like it was some sort of word problem, so I ignored it and tried desperately to get some enjoyment out of this “massage” I was getting. Finally, for the grand finale, he leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry, dis is my elbow,” as he stuck his elbow directly on my spine and made me yelp. It was painfully obvious by the end of the massage why the guy was giving them away for free.; my 3 year old nephew could give me a better massage. But that’s the problem with free; you can’t complain if it was free. Right?
Please share any good tales of “free” things you’ve gotten over the years.
3 comments:
K. This story is frickin' hilarious :-) I was laughing the whole way through.
Funny how people can be so different in their approach to things. Where you are drawn to "free" as bears in cartoons are to honey, I totally shy away from anything "free" like they were giving away the bubonic plague "free".
I told you.
But at least it made a good blog!
Do you think he was really a masseuse or just some dude with a massage chair trying to meet chicks?
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