Here Kitty Kitty

You know when you check out at the grocery store and they print coupons for you with your receipt? Supposedly the computer at the checkout can review your purchases and determine coupons that would be useful to you on your next shopping trip. Well, these are the coupons it printed for me today.

Tampons and Cat Food!

I’d like to add that I didn’t buy any feminine hygiene products this trip or anything that relates to cats. I bought veggies, gum, bread, and some eggs. Seriously, I don’t even know what to say. Apparently the most useful items for me on my next visit are tampons and cat food. Maybe it noted that I was buying veggies, so I’m probably a girl, and that it was a Friday evening trip, showing that I’m probably single and I have nothing to do on a Friday besides shop at the grocery store and then go home to snuggle up with Mr. Whiskers. WTF!

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit shanking people

I just spent a wonderful Labor Day in Austin, Texas. As usual, I was racing to catch my flight home and ran into the typical holiday weekend airport crowds. I was shocked as the guy at the security point called for a bag check on my purse. I did a mental assessment of what could be the offending item and realized that, unless he found the small lip-gloss at the bottom of my bag, I was okay.

Officer: Ma’am, I’m going to need to search the contents of your purse.

Me: Sure. Go ahead.

Officer: (pulls out 5 scalpels) Are these surgical instruments?

The random guy behind me made a loud “OHHHH” noise like a bomb had just been found.

Me: (Shocked with the realization that my mother, who is a nurse, more than likely decided to slip scalpels into my purse) Yes, they are scalpels.

Officer: Ma’am, is there a reason why you have 5 scalpels in your purse?

Me: No. I assume that my mom put them in there.

Officer: Why would your mother put scalpels in your purse?

Me: Because she is a nurse and thinks that I may need to lance something.

Officer: Lance something?

Me: I have no idea why she does half the things she does. She is currently letting the guy who fixed her kitchen cabinets live in her house and drive her car. She had a pet deer all last year that went everywhere with her. She still writes her name in all of her clothing. Honestly, I can’t really come up with a good answer as to why she put knives in my purse before I left for the airport.

Officer: I’m going to need to take the scalpels.

Me: Sure

***I called my mother after I made it through security. She claims that she put them in my bag because I could use them for scrapbooking and other such crafts.