My Purrrfect Life

I was looking online a couple of months ago for Halloween ideas and I came across this site in China that will make you a full plastic leather catwoman suit for $20. I ordered one, sent them my measurements, and promptly forgot all about it. On Saturday the postman rang my doorbell with a package from China. I immediately remembered all about the catsuit and hurriedly unwrapped it. My roommate was out of town and so I was home alone. Worse than that, it was snowing, so I was basically in hibernation mode with nothing better to do than put on a catsuit in the middle of a Saturday afternoon. The catsuit is a full-body (I mean full-body because it covered my feet, hands, and head) plastic, stretchy material that doesn’t have nearly as much give as I’d hoped. I squeezed, pulled, pried, lunged, tugged, and contorted myself into that costume. At the end, against any kind of decent judgment, I zipped up the back as far as I could. I posed in the mirror for the following picture and then quickly tried to get it off because I was sweating something fierce.

I realized that there was a flap that was covering the zipper and my plasticy, gloved hand couldn’t quite reach it. Unsuccessfully, I flopped around like a fish for several minutes trying to get a hold of the zipper. Then I was really sweating and starting to freak out and hyperventilate. How was I possibly going to get this thing off? It wasn’t like I could go next door to Glen, the 75 year old man to my right, and ask for a hand. The little old lady that lives on the other side of me would be equally alarmed if I told her I needed help getting out of my plastic sex-looking costume. Plus, as an added bonus, I seriously was about to pass out from heat stroke; that plasticy stuff doesn’t breathe at ALL!

I finally went out my back door and sat on the stoop in a full pleather outfit to contemplate the predicament I was in and to cool off. While sitting on the back porch I got the giggles and couldn’t stop laughing. Seriously, who else would wind up in a full plasticy, gimp-looking, catwoman costume and not be able to get out while home alone. ME! I finally stopped sweating and went back inside. It took about ten minutes of contorting, but I managed to grab the zipper and get myself out of the outfit, still having fits of laughter. Yes, it was another wild weekend in Salt Lake City. Someone please come visit me soon.

PS- I’ve decided that the costume would make the most amazing sledding suit in the whole world. Can you imagine the looks on the faces of parents and kids when I take off my ugg boots and trench coat at top of the local sledding hill to reveal a full black plastic catsuit and then proceed to body slide down the embankment? You may not have to imagine it for long because I’m pretty sure that I’ll be doing just that after the next big snow. I’m seriously that bored. Plus, who is going to recognize me and imagine how fast I’ll be?!

Here is a picture of what the catsuit was supposed to look like…if I was a tit-tacular thin Asian girl and it was made for my body. Even if I was, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't look this good in pleather.