Some Diamonds Aren't Forever

Until today, I really didn't have much to talk about. I've been so bored with my own life for the past two weeks that I couldn't even muster a simple story to entertain y'all.

The best thing that happened this Thanksgiving was when my granny opened a small leather pouch filled with jewelry that she said she didn't want anymore and was going to give away to us girls. I was excited until I realized that it was jewelry that probably nobody would want...ever. There was one piece that was particularly awful. It was gold nugget necklace. The nugget was shaped like a cock and balls though. I turned to granny and said, "My my, this a little phallic."

Without skipping a beat my grandmother said in her sweet southern voice, “I like phallic.”

*This proves that we’re related.

Today I’ve been given much more fodder.

So yesterday my sister called my dad to let him know that she was going to take one more semester of college. This is her fourth year of college, and she needs a few more credits to earn her two minors to beef up her resume for medical school. My father, a man that owns a yacht and a 2 million dollar cabin, told my sister that he was, “really strapped for cash right now and can’t afford to pay another semester of her schooling.” When I cite my dad’s wealth, please understand that I’m not bragging about how rich my dad is. I fully expect to receive a bill in the mail for the casket after he dies because he’s going to spend all of his money on himself. It just made me laugh that my dad actually believes that his explanation makes a bit of sense. BYU costs under $4,000 a year, making it one of the cheapest educations available. His ex-wife gets more than that every month in alimony.

Today, in typical big-sister fashion, I called my dad to tell him that he’s a cheapskate. Since I don’t expect more than a card or a bath robe for Christmas, I know that I didn’t risk much in telling him off. My dad started listing off how poor he was right now because of the economy. When I said that I wasn’t buying it, he then divulged the fact that even the ring he gave his fiancé was a CZ. What?!!? Hold on a minute. I immediately stopped caring about my sister Laura and started wondering about the CZ. How does one get away with giving their wife-to-be a fake diamond when you’re worth as much as my dad? Does Tanna, my soon-to-be-step-mommmy, know that she is wearing a big lie on her finger? (Please notice the picture to the right. She sent this out when she announced her engagement. This doesn't look like a girl that knows she's wearing a CZ. I'd be sitting on my hand ashamed if I'd just accepted a CZ that big from a mulit-millionaire cheapskate) What would she do if I told her? Should I tell her? Should I threaten to tell her to get my dad to pay for Laura’s college?

I wasted no time in informing my sister that Tanna’s ring is a CZ. We agreed that if a boy we loved proposed with a shiny, big diamond and asked us to marry him, we’d say “YES.” If he then told us the ring was a CZ, we would look at it as if he just handed us a used tissue. I don’t consider myself a snob, but I couldn’t handle wearing that big of a deception on my finger. I’d rather have a small diamond that is real than a big one that is fake. Our neighbor, who basically live at our house because of the plethora of baked goods we have lying around, then posed the question, “Would you accept a manufactured diamond? They’re not fake, just man-made REAL diamonds.

Laura, who had pulled out her own diamond ring and was wearing it said, “I just love the blood diamond that I wear.” Once again, this is why I know we’re related.